subconscious musings

As I slowly woke, I felt the warmth of my child’s weight against my upper arm. Her sleeping breath deep against the earliest moments of dawn. I began to turn, but her body felt too comforting to move away. When had she come into my room? My door was still closed. She never closes the door. Odd. Wait. She’s at her dad’s. I was beginning to wake fully. The dog had begun barking madly at midnight. Her dad brought her over? Did I not remember that? Why would he have done that? Now I was wide awake and confused beyond reason. Heart racing. I looked over my nest of pillows, but no child. Heartbeat slowed as I recognized it had been a lucid dream and she was surely safe at her dad’s place. Did she dream of sleeping in my bed? Were we subconsciously together?


“The strangest thing happened. I think I am hearing things,” my girlfriend said as we had brunch. “I was in the back room and heard a Rolling Stones song, but there was no music playing. I checked all my devices and everything was off.”

“Do you think it could have been a neighbor?,” I asked.

“No, I went outside and silence.”

“Perhaps it was just a strong aural memory?”

“I don’t know, but I felt crazy for a moment.”


Often I’ll think of someone, pick up my phone a few minutes later and see they’ve texted me. When I was a kid, I would pick up the landline phone to call a favorite aunt or my grandmother, but the person was already on the line. I’ve dreamt about people I haven’t seen in months and the next day had a chance encounter with that person.

I do not know what to make of such occurrences, but feel there is much beyond what we comprehend in terms of memory, intuition, karma or coincidence, and subconscious connections. We are sharing a planet with physical ecosystems, intertwined on levels, we barely comprehend. How can we begin to comprehend the internal ecosystems of our subconscious? We live through layers of noise, fear, and strange occurrences explained away by reason, but what is that world filled with connections that sit beside and within us? A world that is ours, but connected in moments of silence we have so successfully filled with distraction. A world shrouded by reality, but completely visible to our inner world. An inner world we have been taught to avoid for its brightness and clarity would overshadow the deeds of the physical.


art by tangmaelon

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