broken promises

I break promises to myself. Frequently. The promises usually fall around restrictions and not having a believable goal. Whole 30 diet challenge, no drinking, no men, writing 30 days straight, sleeping at certain times so I can get up early to run are all examples of broken – some repeatedly – promises. The truths are:

I love food and eat beautiful meals (usually) and am blessed to not have food sensitivities – maybe because I eat really well, but I’m not going to test a 30 day junk food diet to check my math. I don’t drink all that much (a bottle of wine often goes sour in my fridge). So why limit something that is already naturally limited?

Writing happens everyday and when I do it more, it flows more freely, but if I demand of myself “Write everyday!” my words seem to dry up.

Men come and go and that’s just the way my life seems to be – most become friends which is lovely.

Finally, I am a night owl so I should let myself enjoy my natural rhythm when I can which means many 5-6 hour sleeps and occasionally sleeping in on the weekends. It’s all worked well so far, so why do I keep trying to futz with a good deal? This is all to say, I have a new promise for myself, but I am framing it as a gift and a challenge.

I’ve been training in Krav Maga for the better part of 2 1/2 years and, while I’ve taken a few chunks of time off and ebbed and flowed with my intensity, I’ve been steadily achieving skill. I am now eligible to test for my orange belt and I am really excited about this development. The exam is a physical trial that will last approximately 5 hours and will review all the skills our Section 2 curriculum. When I look over the curriculum, I feel a bit intimidated, but I know I have covered everything listed – just not all recently.

Over the next month, I will be focusing on training – taking the classes that make me uncomfortable so that I’ll be able to complete my advancement. These classes include choke defenses and groundwork that puts me in an extremely vulnerable situation, but I know it is much better to experience this vulnerability in the gym and learn how to overcome being overtaken than to experience such a situation in a real world setting and be harmed or killed because I didn’t have the opportunity to train. So I will train, eat, sleep, repeat over the next 30 days. Some days I will try to run, because I need to ensure I have my endurance built up, and I’ll definitely swim, but mainly I will try to get in lots of gym time so I will be comfortable when the test day comes around. Reps and endurance will be vital to ensuring I advance.

Endurance and good energy – can’t have one without the other – are important building blocks in the weeks before the test. So part of my training will be intentional food choices. I will eat well and at home as much as is reasonable. Considering I work from home this *should* be just about every meal, but I am bad about getting busy and not making time for my needs, so my daughter and I end up grabbing too many meals outside of the home. This month, and perhaps it will be a continued habit, we do more eating at home. I’m not getting crazy with my diet. There will be no eliminating foods or being low carb / high protein or high carbs or water til 2pm and coconut fat the rest of the day. Instead, I will be thoroughly enjoying my favorite foods and cooking. For me, part of training should be self-care. When I make the effort to feed myself beautiful, lovingly prepared foods, take lots of epsom salts baths, spend time stretching, and get enough sleep, I have more energy and train with a clear head. Hmm, taking care of my body seems to correlate to better performance … could it be that easy!?!

This evening I went to Fiesta and loaded up on my favorite things, plus added a couple new indulgences. I was starving and would have normally grabbed a burger before shopping, but I waited. Then, after groceries were in the car, I opened a tin of dolmas and the bucket of labne and used my finger to scoop the labne on the dolmas. It was completely uncivilized and so exceptionally delicious I am surprised I got any of either foods home. I also bought ingredients to make hummus, dal, and nopales, eggs, fresh pineapple, wonderful red leaf lettuce, avocados and lime and mini corn tortillas. Warm tortillas with avocado and lime alongside some nopales and eggs (nopales con huevos) may be the best breakfast ever.

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I will be cooking a lot so I may need to have people over for dinner soon. Here’s to a great month and accomplishing goals.

3 thoughts on “broken promises

  1. I’m so proud of you! I wish I could be there to watch the test. I look forward to making it back to the gym and training with you ❤


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